Crash! Smash!

That was the sound of my recent buds of hope being dashed to the ground- in a vase of course.

I called Insurance today, and there is No Coverage, at ALL, for any type of gastric surgery with my plan. I asked which plans do, and she named one called HRA and the other is called "High Deductible".

I remember 3 months ago, when choosing my insurance plan that I saw one called High Deductible. At the time I just laughed. Would that I had had the foresight to be thinking then about surgery rather than now.

Part of me feels hopeless. That I'll be fat forever. The hopeless part of me just wants to cry. Pity party time.

The rational part of me is looking at my options.

Wait 10 months, and at open enrollment change to a plan that does cover gastric surgery, then get it done January 1, 2011 when the plan is in effect.

Save up money, and blow my nest egg on surgery (NOT my favorite option)

Do what I can to change my habits now for food and exercise while waiting for insurance (and tell that critical voice in my head to shut the hell up when it tells me it never worked before, so why should it work now?)

Maybe this is meant as a "Whoa, slow down there partner" type of thing.

Bleh.