New Things

My ankle is getting better. I can limp around the apartment without crutches. The best part of this is that I can carry items to the living room to eat in front of the TV. Eating in front of the microwave isn't near as fun.

I've been redoing my professional website with a different provider, under a different domain name. HennaRose.com was taken, so after some thought I went with HennaBelle. I'd love your input on the site, let me know if I have any broken links or images or typos. It's at http://HennaBelle.com If you want to see a comparison of the old site, that is still up at http://SanchalaMehndi.com Eventually I'll change that domain so it points to the new one.

I changed the name because the old one, while pretty sounding to my ears, is hard for the average person to fathom how to spell or pronounce.

Other Healing

So I went with some friends today to an open house for an acquaintance of theirs who's a holistic physician and urban shaman. He's got a new space at a center and offers energy work, bodywork, and counseling.

Listening to him today talk about his "regulars", stewardesses, waitresses etc, that are constantly wound up and just need to let go and unwind... I started to cry. I felt like he was talking about me. Like that stress was the only thing holding me together so I didn't just lose it. But more than that, that I was in the presence of someone that could help. When I can drive again, I think I'll schedule a visit with him.

I'm not happy. I guess I'm depressed. I'm in a small pain still about my ankle, and have frustrations over what I can and can't do. I'm eating all the wrong foods for the wrong reasons.... I mean.. really- Pizza Hut Chocolate dunkers? WTH was I thinking??

B came over the other night to deliver some items, and I just cried then too, and didn't really know why. He thinks part of it is my environment, my apartment- so his new project is to find me a new place this year.

I think I'm not happy though, because I'm not creating. I'm happiest when I'm producing something- whether it's the 4 batches of cookies for New Years, or a henna design, or a journal page.

I'm participating in a heART card exchange, and have materials and ideas rolling around for that. I meant to get to it today, but instead hid in a video game where I could have pretend accomplishments and forget about my surroundings.

Tomorrow I want to create, to be in my studio and putting gesso to paper. I think it would be a kind of healing for me.

Ankle

My ankle is healing. It's healing faster than I expected, but I attribute this to the turmeric paste each night. I went last night without pain meds at 1am, and woke up with only an ache / soreness. Compared to the blinding pain of last Monday morning, it's a miracle. The swelling is less, although still there. I can move my foot from the ankle a lil, without pain.

I've been really blessed with my work situation, co-workers helping take my kids to PE and art etc. Parents (thanks Dana and Cindy) that take me home from work. I'm hoping that by the end of next week my foot will be healed enough that I can drive- at least short trips around my neighborhood.

One a different note, my friend Julie is in India for the first time. Read about her adventures here:
http://gitting.wordpress.com/

The Rest of My Week

The rest of my week has gone well. I'm slowly getting back into the routine of school without the panic of Monday morning. I'm also waking up at 1am each day to take ibuprofen, so that I'm not waking in extreme pain.

One of my Indian parents recommended turmeric for my ankle. One, making a paste of turmeric and water and salt to apply to the area before bed, and wrap it up. I did this last night, wrapping with toilet paper like I would for henna, then putting a black sock over it all. Immediately I could feel a cooling, almost tingling sensation in my foot, and the swelling was down this morning. Usually as soon as I wake up and get moving it starts swelling again, but it's better than that so far.

The other way was to take turmeric root, grate it, then press it to get the juice out and into some warm milk. This, he said, would help with pain, as well as be good for my cough. About 10 minutes after I finished it, I coughed, and sure enough, it was looser and less tight than before.

YAY for cultural remedies!

Today at school we have "Beautiful Beginnings"- a kind of honors day for Pre K and K. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to stand up and present them, or sit down and present them, or have someone else read for me or what. We'll see.

Tonight M is coming over to watch the rest of Sukiyaki Western Django- a Japanese spaghetti western spoken in English, and it has Quentin Tarantino in it as well. Heavy blood advisory though... not for children or squeamish.

I've closed my henna business through the end of February. I figure by that time I should be well enough to walk around at gigs without crutches.

First Day Back

By 8:15 I was crying having a panic attack and feeling overwhelmed by how much there was to do. Report cards, honors day Thursday. Parent conferences Thursday. Our assistant was out and I literally didn't know how I would do it all. I thought I was nuts for coming back soon and contemplated staying home again.

Luckily my coworker that drove me to work passed by and came in and helped calm me down and stop hyperventilating. I knew all I had to do was take things one day at a time, one hour at a time but couldn't focus myself. My leg still hurt. Woke up hurting again even tho I slept in aircast. Will have to wake up about 1am and take drugs to function well.

My team teachers came in and talked me down, it was ok I didn't have math lessons done, I could have the kids do centers this morning and not feel like I had to instantly be super teacher.

A friend got me the chair on wheels out of her room. She picked my kids up from PE, took em to restroom, and then computer lab while I pulled it together. I decided heck with lesson planning, focus on report cards. I got 4 done by end of day.

By the end of the day I felt like I could handle tomorrow. My butt hurts from propping leg up. Music teacher says she's trying to track down an electric cart for me. A friend says she'll look for wheelchair.

I'm tired. And was really glad to leave early. I'm rescheduling conferences for a later date.

My Routine

My day is broken into 2 sections... the upstairs and the downstairs. The big divider is the stairs. The method for getting upstairs is left knee and right foot. Press up with right foot, put left knee on the next stair. Repeat. Getting downstairs is easier. Mostly it's a sit-scoot-sit-scoot. The crutches go with me each time.

I have to plan everytime I leave one area. Do I have my phone, my pain meds? Is there anything else I need to take with me? If I go upstairs to use the bathroom, I'll end up in the bedroom for several hours, then eventually come back down again. I end up on the couch for several hours. I find I'm using every other muscles BUT that left foot area to get around. I'm sore from the crutches, from crawling and pushing myself up onto or off of things. It gives me a great appreciation for the mobiity I used to have, and for those that have even more limited mobility than I have.

I've also been very grateful for friends that have come by to check on me, walk the dog and feed her, or get things for me from the kitchen.

I have a check up appointment tomorrow, to see how it's healing. If you practice reiki, I'd love some long distance energy to my left ankle! :D

Be Careful What You Wish For

So that lump on the left side of my ankle isn't supposed to be there.

This morning I was leaving for work, and landed wrong on my foot. I heard a sound, and then pain. Even though the pavement was wet, I sat right down on it and cussed up a storm. I was afraid it was broken. Hopped back into the apartment and made some phone calls.

Fear... the fear of being helpless and alone. Someone said once that people get married so you have someone to take you to the hospital in the middle of the night. I saw the truth of that.

Got a coworker to take me to the emergency room. 2 hours later my xray results came back. No fracture. Soft tissue damage, maybe ligament. If the swelling and pain don't get better in 2 days, then I have to get a check up from a foot doc.

So last night and this weekend I was wishing I didn't have to go back to work today. Guess I should have been more specific. If all goes well, I'll be back at work on Thursday.

The upside is I have vicodin for the pain.

Owwwww

I ache... all over. A friend of mine says he thinks it might be the flu, but I sure hope not.

Friday M gave me Neuro-Muscular Therapy on my lower back, especially around my tail bone. He knew from a reiki check that I had some serious issues there. That night it was sore, but not overly so. Saturday I pushed myself in a very brisk walking pace for 30 minutes. I stretched after, but not before.

So today's ache feels like it's radiating out from my tailbone and all over. I've had 3 crying "releases" and I just have stayed in bed all day. I've used Tylenol and ice. Gonna take a warm bath here before bed in a minute.

M says I need to see a chiropractor again, that it would really help me with readjusting my spine. That my weight (lower and upper) is consistently pulling it back out.

I hurt so much I'm thinking he's right. I'm wondering how to afford it again. Sure I have insurance, but it's still $30 a visit... and initially he'd want to see me at least 4 times a month if not more. It's been over a year since I've gone.

2009- Year of the Wheel

So I have this book called Tarot for Yourself by Mary K Greer. One of the things you can do with a deck is find out your "year card". You do this by adding your birth month to your birth day to the current year. Mine is 2 + 24 + 2009= 2053. Then you add all the digits together in that number. 2+0+5+3=10. The tenth card in the major arcana is The Wheel.

From Tarot of Dreams by Ciro Marchetti
(This is the deck I use)

Your year card represents, "the tests, lessons, and experiences you will go through this year." It can begin at the beginning of the new year on January 1, or on your birthdate. So for me, I view it as January to my birthday in February being a transition from the Hermit to the Wheel.

Ciro has this to say about the Wheel card:

"Change. A mechanistic view of life. Abdicating responsibility by railing against the fates. The Wheel contains a very simple metaphor: The wheel of fate, the feeling that our destinies are determined by the clicking of some cosmic machine.

"We often allow ourselves to succumb to this kind of thinking...How often do we abdicate responsibility for our lives by railing against the fates or other impersonal authorities such as the government? The lesson inherent in the Wheel is that this kind of thinking is only an attitude... The truth is that although there is much in our lives which is beyond our control, there is also much which is well within it. And there is much which seems out of our control but which in reality we can have some degree of effect over, if we apply creative thinking and determination."


When I read this, I immediately thought of my issues with weight, and what I went through during my Christmas visit. The ghost of kitchens past, as it were. Just because I had this experience, it does not have to control me. I can control me. I can implement the change I want to see in me.

The Wheel also often represents change for the better, and it may mean something good but unexpected.

All things to ponder at new beginnings.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Y'all!

I had a great New Year's Eve and Fantastic New Year's Day.

First, some pics:I had done my hand over Christmas with a design that didn't last long, and looked messy to me. Wanting to bring the New Year in with a new design, so I didn't wait till the old one was completely gone. The palm is a symbol of Lakshmi for prosperity. What better way to usher in 2009?

M's friends had invited me a few days ago to their NYE cards and fireworks night. I was told to just bring my favorite appetizer. Having just bought a healthy cookbook, I made a low calorie version of Artichoke Dip. But since I've had over a week off, and all the sleep I've wanted, a creative burst of energy took hold of me and wouldn't stop. One of the other things I got for Christmas was a family recipe book Mom put together. So I made some of those. I did pretty well, and didn't chow down on cookies.



Peanut Butter Cup Pecan cookies. Take regular sugar cookie recipe, roll dough into a ball, then into pecan meal, and press half a peanut butter cup into it.


Jam cookies. Sugar cookie dough, roll into a ball, roll into green sugar, use knuckle to make a depression (my thumb made it too big), then put a little bit of strawberry-rhubarb jam in center.

Not photographed was the cranberry and coconut ones. The night of the party, I also made a Greek Salad from tomatoes, cucumbers, feta cheese, and kalamative olives.


M arrived at the party and started to make his infamous guacamole dip. He took time out for crazy photos with me.


During the party lots of families came. Waves of children would run up the stairs and into the livingroom. Grown-ups chatted and laughed. We got together to play "Apples to Apples" and before we knew it it was 11:50pm.

Dick Clark really sounded old this year, but the count down went well. We passed around champagne, and at midnight M and I kissed and we all toasted to the New Year.

Then- FIRE... or more correctly, fireworks :)

A great time was had by all.

M came over afterwards. I think we got to sleep about 2am or so.

Morning was a lovely sleepy, slow-waking up time. Sunshine and hugs and smiles. Even some puppy love from us to Rose. I wrote down my thoughts for 2009. Not resolutions exactly, but things to bring into my life. Tied up in ribbon from the May pole, and burnt with wood chips from when it was cut down during Samhain (stump becoming Yule log) I felt it was a great way to put out into the universe my intentions.

M and I went out to a swanky place for brunch. It was awesome... I can't say more. I'm not sure if the food was best, or seeing M's reaction to it all (he's a gourmand) or just seeing M all dressed up. All in all, a great 24 hours.

Tomorrow M will help me take down my tree, and then work on my back. Evening will probably be spent with friends, maybe some Star Wars RPG.