A Meme

Saw this on Athena's Melting and thought I'd share my answers

1.What time did you get up this morning?
4:13am

2. How do you like your steak?
medium

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Avatar 3D

4. What is your favorite TV show?
It was Doctor Who with David Tennant- won't know if still is till I see the new Doctor in action. I record Castle, Ghost Hunters, Project Runway, Top Chef, Heroes. I LOVED Defying Gravity and wish it hadn't been canceled.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
I'd have to travel to a lot of places to decide that... can I start with Italy?

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Chicken Tikka Masala leftovers

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
hmm sushi, Indian, pizza

8. What foods do you dislike?
Veggies most of the time... I'll eat if others fix it, but rarely fix for myself.

9. Favorite place to eat?
Cafe Bombay

10. Favorite dressing?
honey mustard

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
VW Jetta

12. What are your favorite clothes?
my comfy fleece pajamas

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
I'd love to go back to Japan with friends

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
full

15. Where would you want to retire?
someplace warm

16. Favorite time of day?
bedtime

17. Where were you born?
Maryland

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
hot dog eating

19. Bird watcher?
Nope.

20. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Depends on time of year.. I have to be a morning person for school, but I love sleeping in and staying up late.

21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
I'm going to be an Aunt any day now.

22. What did you want to be when you were little?
A teacher, or a go-go dancer

23. What is your best childhood memory?
climbing trees

24. Are you a cat or dog person?
dog.

25. Are you married?
Not for the last 6 years.

26. Always wear your seat belt?
Yes.

27. Been in a car accident?
Yes. I was a passenger.

28. Any pet peeves?
People in a position of authority who cannot communicate well in emails (all caps, more than one ! etc).

29. Favorite Pizza Toppings?

black olives, artichoke hearts

30. Favorite Flower?
Roses but not the hot house kind- has to have a scent

31. Favorite ice cream?
Breyer's mint choc chip.

32. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Wendy's.

33. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Once- I didn't stop at a stop sign- never made it out of the parking lot.

34. From whom did you get your last email?
Facebook

35. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
American Signature Furniture- I need bedroom items for 2 rooms

36. Do anything spontaneous lately?
I broke out into a Michael Jackson-esque dance in the hall at school as kids were returning to class

37. Broccoli?
yep

38. What was your favorite vacation?
One to Seattle where I got to take a ferry to Vashon Island to see a fabulous artist.

39. Last person you went out to dinner with?
B

40. What are you listening to right now?
Oprah on DVR

41. What is your favorite color?
Red is my power color, Yellow is my happy color, Green is my Calm color

42. How many tattoos do you have?
One, but want to add 2 things to it soon

43. Coffee drinker?
Sometimes.

Protein Packed Pancakes

I was wanting pancakes this morning, so I looked up a recipe and tweaked it to include protein:

1/2 cup flour
1egg
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup almond milk (or your milk of choice)
1 scoop whey protein powder (I used chocolate flavored)
1tsp Splenda
1 Tsp cinnamon

Apple sauce instead of syrup. YUM! Made 4 pancakes.

A Weird Thing

I spent the hour afterschool with my first meeting of Japanese club. Kids in grades 2-5 meet on Monday afternoons to have me teach them beginning Japanese Language and Culture.

When I got home, I realized I felt a weird thing.

Calm.

It was the first time in...weeks I hadn't come home too tired, stressed, or angry. The first time I didn't immediately crave food of some sort. I didn't crave pizza, or Chinese or Indian. I actually sat and had to think... what do I want to eat?  Understand that I'm usually driven by my brain-tummy impulses. I had none today. It was like being free. I could choose to eat, or not.

I waited a bit, until my tummy was saying it was hungry. I fixed a Nutrisystem "Cheesy Homestyle potatoes with Broccoli"  Well, not much broccoli, but it has 10g protein and 4.5g fat.  200 calories.

Later while watching TV, I began to be aware of my brain searching for more... I had a half-urge to go to Wendy's for a chocolate frosty. Instead though of going, I got some strawberry banana Kefir from the fridge, and put it in my ice cream maker. YUM  It did the trick.

I don't know why it's happened, but I really hope I have another day like this.

Also- my feet and ankles ache from the trampoline work. They hurt like when I was a kid and would ice skate for an hour. Kinda good in a way, but sucks when I'm on my feet at work all day hehe.

Cute Top

This is my favorite top from my shopping spree Saturday. It's a soft grey that feels like silk. Top was $29, cami was $14, necklace and 2 sets of earrings were $20. My splurge for ME.

Weigh-In

Today's weight- 257.8

That's a small bit of a loss, I think I was 258.4 last time I weighed, but didn't record it accurately.  Guess I should start.

Did 10 minutes on the trampoline last night, and another just now before I get ready for work.  Three minutes into it, I'm watching the clock, aware of how hot and uncomfortable I am, the heavy breathing. That voice that strives to work against me, I'll call her Alice.  Alice told me this was crazy, see how awful I felt and that I should just give up. Is it any wonder that I never exercised she said. Feeling like this was for disturbed people.

I heard her but didn't stop. I'd like to get to the point where I can do 15 minutes regularly, and I'll only get to that if I keep up at the 10 minutes.  However, I may need to go back to doing it in front of music videos. The morning news isn't motivating enough :P

Rainy Sunday

So I'm feeling down today.

Last night we went to some friends' home for dinner and Diablo2.  We stopped at the store on the way there, and I went a little crazy with gaming food. Mostly cookies, and Sour Skittles. I ate a lot of these that night. Dinner itself was good. M did the chicken and spinach/broccoli, and our friend Lynn did the quinoa with mushrooms.

After dinner we played, and I ate handfuls of the sour skittles. An hour or so later, I was experiencing a "sleepy crash" where I literally just wanted to go lay down and sleep. I did lay down on their spare bed a little, but Rose kept me awake. So I ended up going home. The upside to that is I left before the caramel brownies and ice cream - which I didn't really want but probably would have had some if I'd have stayed.

B has been asking me what I wanted for my birthday next month. I told him Nutrisystem. I was hoping he'd help with it through to the summer, but said he feels comfortable for 2 months of it. And that's reasonable. But I think I feel down because I'm interpreting it as "I really think this is just another thing you won't stick to more than 2 months".  And that's depressing. So I want to crawl back into bed and sleep the day away.

On the good side, I got a lot done yesterday during the day. I went back to Avenue and spent my holiday gift  card, and then some. I just woke up thinking, "Damn! I need some new clothes!" Will try to post a photo later this week. Got 4 cute tops, and no jeans because they weren't comfortable.

After shopping I had other errands to do, and discovered that my front left tire was really low. I took it to get filled, and the guy suggested I get it checked for a nail. Sure enough, it was a nail in the side. $120.00  and hour n half later, and I have a brand new tire. While that's not great, it beats having the tire go out on the interstate on the way to work.

Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

Yesterday was a hard day at work. It seems like every time I do something to try and help a child, I end up with more paperwork and less support.  Perhaps the path is quiet helping without looking to administration for support.


I feel as though I'm caught in a downpour.


The best I can hope for is serenity with things I cannot change, rather than rage against the machine. 


I chose comfort last night in beer and Chinese Take Out, rather than exercise and a Nutrisystem dinner. I'm ashamed to say it on here, but the truth is what it is.

Do I Want to Exercise?

I spoke to someone yesterday who runs for a hobby.  She was in track and field in high school and college. She told me that a large part of it is mental.  When I asked for explanation, she said you have to want to do it. If she had 50 pushups to do, did she really want to do it?

Except for a time in 7th grade, I have never said yes to exercise. Do I really want to get up and walk a mile? No.

I have to turn that no into a yes. If need be, FAKEit till I MAKEit. I need to say yes.

Last night I said yes to 10 minutes on the trampoline.

This morning I said yes to 10 minutes.

It's a start.

A New Day

It's a new day. Party's over. I've decided the most I can do for now is watch my calorie intake, and keep making small exercise goals for myself.

Crash! Smash!

That was the sound of my recent buds of hope being dashed to the ground- in a vase of course.

I called Insurance today, and there is No Coverage, at ALL, for any type of gastric surgery with my plan. I asked which plans do, and she named one called HRA and the other is called "High Deductible".

I remember 3 months ago, when choosing my insurance plan that I saw one called High Deductible. At the time I just laughed. Would that I had had the foresight to be thinking then about surgery rather than now.

Part of me feels hopeless. That I'll be fat forever. The hopeless part of me just wants to cry. Pity party time.

The rational part of me is looking at my options.

Wait 10 months, and at open enrollment change to a plan that does cover gastric surgery, then get it done January 1, 2011 when the plan is in effect.

Save up money, and blow my nest egg on surgery (NOT my favorite option)

Do what I can to change my habits now for food and exercise while waiting for insurance (and tell that critical voice in my head to shut the hell up when it tells me it never worked before, so why should it work now?)

Maybe this is meant as a "Whoa, slow down there partner" type of thing.

Bleh.

I Clean Up Well

After a weekend of bad photos, I thought I might as well share a good one.  This is me before work, in one of my favorite tops I got at Avenue. Avenue is a chain that carries plus size clothing, and is usually pretty hip- kinda the way Lane Bryant used to be.

Bollywood and Dance

This morning I got up, took a luxurious bubble bath by candlight (cause who says that can only be done at night, right?) and shampooed the remainder of olive oil out of my hair from yesterday.  I LOVE bubble baths, and after reading Banded Girl's post about bribing yourself to exercise, I just may use these as motivation.

This is my sanctuary:

So afterwards, I came downstairs and got out my minitramp. I put on a Bollywood dvd, and chose to "play all songs".

For those of you who aren't familiar with Bollywood, it's the Hollywood of India. Movies are generally musicals, actors dance but lip sync to the words, and the movies last around 3 hours. Bollywood songs last about 5-6 minutes each.  So my goal was to use the minitramp and dance on it (or just plain move, since I'm unsteady on it) for one of the songs. After that song was over though, I still wanted to move. I put away the equipment and danced to another song. YAY ME!

The songs I used were from my favorite movie "Kal Ho Naa Ho" (Tomorrow May Never Come)  If you're curious about Bollywood movies, start with this one. It's funny, upbeat, well written, and takes place in NYC. Sure it has the cheesy wind-in-hair effects that most Bollywood movies do, but at least there's no dancing at the foot of mountains.

This is the song I danced to on the trampoline:

Oh, and I was bad over the weekend with food, and gained a pound. Such is life.

Henna and Hair

I don't remember how long ago it was that I started hennaing my hair. It began as a way to get the red color I loved without the $120 salon pricetag.  I started going grey in college (more silver than grey) and henna turns those into highlights. I have naturally dark brown hair, and the henna is mostly noticeable in the sunlight. I may get my hair chemically lightened this summer, just so I can have brighter henna hair again.

I thought I would share how I henna my hair.  Firstly, I use body art quality henna, from hennalounge.com.  She also puts together an oil blend that smells like chai tea.

Into a bowl I put henna powder, and a tea concoction. It contains black tea, whole cardamom pods, and cloves. I like these for their scent. I add some of the chai oil, and some olive oil.

This I put in a warm dark place for a few hours (I heat my toaster oven to 150, turn off the heat, and place the bowl covered with plastic wrap inside).

When it comes time to put it in my hair, I grab some plastic shopping bags, vinyl gloves, and head to the bathroom. Lotion is applied around the hairline so that if I goof, I don't have an orange brown stain there when I'm done. I section the hair out, and apply the henna with my gloved hands to the hairline (where the new growth greys show most). With a brush I'll grab a new thin layer, put it over the first one. Add more henna, repeat.

When all done, I cover it in a plastic bag.  Oh so pretty I know....

I leave it in a few hours, then shower it out.  This part is pretty messy, looking like I'm washing mud out of my hair.

The end result though, leaves my hair shiny! Something about the way henna binds to the hair shaft. I also don't have to use conditioner anymore in my hair. YAY.

Tramp!

Mini tramp- Mini trampoline :P  I got me one of these:

It was $49.00 at Play it Again Sports.  Ever since watching "You Are What You Eat" on BBC America this summer, I've thought about getting one. I put off getting it, because I've had impulse buys before. I wanted to see if I still had the desire over time.  I asked the man at the store if it would hold me, or if I'd break it. He said it was good up to 300lbs, but of course the inside documentation says it's only good up to 250 lbs. So while I wo't be doing any hard running on it for awhile, it's gonna come in handy for dancing.

M help me set it up. It was folded in the box and came with a warning to have 2 people put it together, or risk serious injury or DEATH. I kid you not.

So, yay me!

LapBand

So I'm considering LapBand surgery.

At the moment I'm reading up on people's experiences. One of my favorite blogs is Once Upon a Time in the Land of Cheese and Sunkist Amy writes in a humorous, down to earth manner and often makes me smile.

She jokes about having a reverse body dysmorphic disorder.  Until she wrote about that, I thought I was alone in the weirdness of it. Basically, I'm fatter than I really think I am. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm fluffy. I've no illusions of being a stick thin model. But I do have a tendency to sideswipe things- posts, doorways, garage door locks, because my mental image of myself and the reality don't match.

I'm a sexy babe, fluffy or not. I don't bemoan a lack of life due to weight. I have a boyfriend, I own a condo, love my dog, have a side business in henna, as well as love to dance.  In fact, one of my African American students once told her mom (during a conversation what being black means) that I was black, because I could dance good :D Interesting what kids think, no?

I've had belly dancing lessons, boudoir photo shoots, and I don't get freaked out at the thought of myself in a swimsuit.

So why LapBand?  I'm 5'4" and at the beginning of 2010 weighed 261 lbs. I'm down a bit thanks to Nutrisystem food, the diabetic plan that is full of protein.  I am considering that the band might be a tool that can help me where sheer willpower cannot. In 2003 I was on weight watchers, and the lowest I got down to was around 217. I haven't been under 200 since the early '90s.

I don't like the way clothes look on me currently. I don't like the effort it takes to physically get out of bed in the morning, or off the couch at night. I have sleep apnea, and use a CPAP machine while I sleep.

I turned 40 last year. For me this is the new beginning of the rest of my life. When I turn 50 I don't want to be the same or worse weight. I don't want to be someone that needs a motorized cart to get around because weight is too much of a strain.

I'm going to see if my insurance will cover LapBand.  If I go ahead with the surgery, it would probably be this summer.

I'm not considering this lightly. The idea of PB (productive burps, or partial barfs), fills, and all manner of intestinal issues is not appealing to me. This is not "an easy way out". But honestly, there is no easy way out of obesity.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?

Warning: gross-out photo ahead

I wrote before a bit about my foot surgery, and how I had a "bone accessory" on the bottom of my big toe. (Yes I love to accessorize- apparently even my bones!)  The students in my class wanted to see it, but I wasn't about to unwrap and expose the stitches to any of the germs swirling around. So when I was at the podiatrist, I snapped a photo of it with my trusty iPhone. The nurse laughed at me....sure it's crazy, but there's some need in me to document my life and the things that happen.

I showed my students the photo, and one boy remarked "It looks like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"

Now of course, dear reader, I'm sure you're looking at that and thinking it doesn't look like Rudolph.  but I have to say, I could see what he meant. The top left part might be the antlers of a reindeer, and the part that trails down to the right could be 18 tiny reindeer winding their way through the sky of my Big Toe. Big Toe Sky... bahhaha.  Anyway, maybe I'm a little whacked, but I'd like to think that the ability to see what children see helps me to be a better teacher.

Henna Tree of Life and Really Really Weird Coincidences

A client came over yesterday to get henna done. While talking, we discovered really weird coincidences.

Like, BOTH our fathers worked for United Space Alliance (Cape Canaveral FL). We BOTH used to live on Merritt Island. We told each other our streets, and we each knew them. We went to the same high school, albeit years apart.

Anyhoo, she really liked this belly pic:

But wanted something on her shoulder, with maybe the flowers turning into birds as they fell off the tree.
This is what I came up with:

 

She loved it, which is the best part of this job. 

When we last left our hero...

She was dealing with a broken ankle.

The ankle healed and I was walking by mid to late March.

March also marked the first meeting with a counselor at NACA (naca.com) Naca helps people with good payment histories get a home without a down payment or closing fees. I got approved for a mortgage, and by May had found my condo. B was the one who spurred me on to get a place of my own. We went to the first workshop in January.

After a lot of delays, re-inspections, and general nail biting, I closed on the condo on June 29th. I love it! It's in a town home style, 3 bedrooms, 2 and half bath, with a garage and the kitchen of my dreams.


In early July Rose was over at M's with Emma (M's dog) when she got bit by a venomous snake. The bite was on her muzzle. M cleaned it right away, and call me and we met at the vet. She was in a TON of pain that night, and she swelled up something awful. I'm very lucky she lived.


Late July my youngest brother and his wife came to see my new place. We also went to the GA Aquarium. I'd never been there before. We got to see the Titanic exhibit as well.

Me and M at the aquarium.


Painting in progress for my wall

In August I had my housewarming / blessing. M cooked and was a great co-host.

Over Labor Day Weekend we went to DragonCon, as per our usual. What fun :) My uber loot was a photo of me and Felicia Day, which she autographed the next day!


In October I got to see my best friend from high school, Shannon. It was the first time in 20 years we'd seen each other, and we picked back up where we left off. She and her family took me to Wakulla Springs in Florida. We saw manatees, gators, birds, turtles and so on.

Shannon on left, me in middle- my High School graduation

For Halloween M and I went to two parties. He went as Billy Mays, and I went as the Fairy Goth Mother.



In November my father passed away. He'd been ill for a long time. Suffice to say that the cancer didn't kill him, but the cure sure didn't make him healthy. I'm a daddy's girl, and took the loss harder than I thought I would. I went to Mom's in Florida for the funeral, and then over Thanksgiving stayed in Atlanta. Christmas was different of course, but the hardest thing for me was seeing my mom mourn.

I was actually glad to get back to Atlanta, to my home, and to the familiar things I know. My high school town was great to grow up in - 5 minutes from the beach, 45 from Disney! But as an adult, the highlight of my days there was taking Rose to the dog park to play. Once back in town, M and I went out for sushi.. probably our favorite type of meal out.

December 29th I had foot surgery. Since the summer I'd had a sore swollen place on the bottom of my left big toe. Podiatrist said it was a "bone accessory". Kind of like a spur, but not attached. It was just sitting there in a tendon. Every time the tendon stretched, it rubbed against the bone. Six months later it was getting worse. A small white circle showed up. Doc lanced it, it was pus filled. We decided then to take it out.

Surgery- I've never had surgery before. I was very very nervous about it. Turns out it was easy. All I did was sleep, and I don't remember being told that it was going to happen. One minute I'm in the O.R., getting prepped, the next minute I'm waking up, feeling my toes tingling as they dress the area.

Well, that's enough for tonight. Will update with more another day.

Haiti

The devastation is so awful, so all encompassing. :(

Makes me realize just exactly how lucky I, and most of us, truly are.

Where Is The Creativity?

It's been almost a year since I wrote on this blog regularly. A lot has happened since then, and I will do a big "catch you up to date" post, but this isn't it.

This is about the changes in education coming down the pike. Changes that are happening now, that fill me with stress and dread.

The way teachers in GA are being evaluated is changing. Rather than be observed on what and how we teach, we are now also being measured by how well our students can respond to questions by administrators as to what they are learning.

I teach kindergarten. Over the past 5 years there has been a shift from theme-based creative, exploratory, social interacting, dramatic play type kindergarten, to 2 hours of English Language Arts, 1 Hour of Math, as well as blocks of science and social studies.

What I view as WRONG with this approach, is that children at this age learn many things all at once. For instance, in thematic teaching, we might be learning about Winter. The letter might be "S" for snow, writing about winter, creating art that shows what happens to trees, measuring and graphing the temperature each day, learning about why the Earth gets colder in Winter, in addition to learning what holidays people celebrate during the dark months.

The current approach has us teaching Language Arts for two hours with no Math, no science, no social studies topics. Rather than learn about their world, they "need" to learn that print has 3 functions- it can inform, entertain, or persuade. Children must be able to tell you that a sentence starts with a capital letter and ends with a punctuation mark. That there are spaces between words. EVERY thing we teach must be identifiably measurable in its results, as the "only" worthy instructional goal is that which is measurable.

The sad thing is, I see all this change as a result to improve standardized state test scores in 3rd and 5th grades. In order for a third grade student to know the correct information about how to write a sentence, and what a complete sentence is, the state thinking is that they need to start learning this in kindergarten.

The other day the Art teacher was lamenting the fact that third grade students could not tear pieces of paper to create pieces of a body. IE- a head, arms, trunk, legs, feet, hands, etc. He said they looked at him like he'd asked them to cure cancer.

WHERE is the creativity, people?? If this country is to reach long term success in terms of becoming an economy where we create items for other countries to buy, an economy that hires people to MAKE things again, we have to not squash our children's creativity in the first place.

I have more on my mind than just this, like the fact our county superintendent was just voted a $15,000 raise by the school board because A) he wasn't being paid what other heads in our area are, and B) they didn't want him to leave. HELLO!!?? TEACHERS have not recieved step increases or cost of living increases. BUS DRIVERS have taken pay cuts... and he gets a raise? UGH.

Oh The Times, They are a Channnngin'

So is this blog, which looks like it'll be used again. Stay tuned for more.