New Things

My ankle is getting better. I can limp around the apartment without crutches. The best part of this is that I can carry items to the living room to eat in front of the TV. Eating in front of the microwave isn't near as fun.

I've been redoing my professional website with a different provider, under a different domain name. HennaRose.com was taken, so after some thought I went with HennaBelle. I'd love your input on the site, let me know if I have any broken links or images or typos. It's at http://HennaBelle.com If you want to see a comparison of the old site, that is still up at http://SanchalaMehndi.com Eventually I'll change that domain so it points to the new one.

I changed the name because the old one, while pretty sounding to my ears, is hard for the average person to fathom how to spell or pronounce.

Other Healing

So I went with some friends today to an open house for an acquaintance of theirs who's a holistic physician and urban shaman. He's got a new space at a center and offers energy work, bodywork, and counseling.

Listening to him today talk about his "regulars", stewardesses, waitresses etc, that are constantly wound up and just need to let go and unwind... I started to cry. I felt like he was talking about me. Like that stress was the only thing holding me together so I didn't just lose it. But more than that, that I was in the presence of someone that could help. When I can drive again, I think I'll schedule a visit with him.

I'm not happy. I guess I'm depressed. I'm in a small pain still about my ankle, and have frustrations over what I can and can't do. I'm eating all the wrong foods for the wrong reasons.... I mean.. really- Pizza Hut Chocolate dunkers? WTH was I thinking??

B came over the other night to deliver some items, and I just cried then too, and didn't really know why. He thinks part of it is my environment, my apartment- so his new project is to find me a new place this year.

I think I'm not happy though, because I'm not creating. I'm happiest when I'm producing something- whether it's the 4 batches of cookies for New Years, or a henna design, or a journal page.

I'm participating in a heART card exchange, and have materials and ideas rolling around for that. I meant to get to it today, but instead hid in a video game where I could have pretend accomplishments and forget about my surroundings.

Tomorrow I want to create, to be in my studio and putting gesso to paper. I think it would be a kind of healing for me.

Ankle

My ankle is healing. It's healing faster than I expected, but I attribute this to the turmeric paste each night. I went last night without pain meds at 1am, and woke up with only an ache / soreness. Compared to the blinding pain of last Monday morning, it's a miracle. The swelling is less, although still there. I can move my foot from the ankle a lil, without pain.

I've been really blessed with my work situation, co-workers helping take my kids to PE and art etc. Parents (thanks Dana and Cindy) that take me home from work. I'm hoping that by the end of next week my foot will be healed enough that I can drive- at least short trips around my neighborhood.

One a different note, my friend Julie is in India for the first time. Read about her adventures here:
http://gitting.wordpress.com/

The Rest of My Week

The rest of my week has gone well. I'm slowly getting back into the routine of school without the panic of Monday morning. I'm also waking up at 1am each day to take ibuprofen, so that I'm not waking in extreme pain.

One of my Indian parents recommended turmeric for my ankle. One, making a paste of turmeric and water and salt to apply to the area before bed, and wrap it up. I did this last night, wrapping with toilet paper like I would for henna, then putting a black sock over it all. Immediately I could feel a cooling, almost tingling sensation in my foot, and the swelling was down this morning. Usually as soon as I wake up and get moving it starts swelling again, but it's better than that so far.

The other way was to take turmeric root, grate it, then press it to get the juice out and into some warm milk. This, he said, would help with pain, as well as be good for my cough. About 10 minutes after I finished it, I coughed, and sure enough, it was looser and less tight than before.

YAY for cultural remedies!

Today at school we have "Beautiful Beginnings"- a kind of honors day for Pre K and K. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to stand up and present them, or sit down and present them, or have someone else read for me or what. We'll see.

Tonight M is coming over to watch the rest of Sukiyaki Western Django- a Japanese spaghetti western spoken in English, and it has Quentin Tarantino in it as well. Heavy blood advisory though... not for children or squeamish.

I've closed my henna business through the end of February. I figure by that time I should be well enough to walk around at gigs without crutches.

First Day Back

By 8:15 I was crying having a panic attack and feeling overwhelmed by how much there was to do. Report cards, honors day Thursday. Parent conferences Thursday. Our assistant was out and I literally didn't know how I would do it all. I thought I was nuts for coming back soon and contemplated staying home again.

Luckily my coworker that drove me to work passed by and came in and helped calm me down and stop hyperventilating. I knew all I had to do was take things one day at a time, one hour at a time but couldn't focus myself. My leg still hurt. Woke up hurting again even tho I slept in aircast. Will have to wake up about 1am and take drugs to function well.

My team teachers came in and talked me down, it was ok I didn't have math lessons done, I could have the kids do centers this morning and not feel like I had to instantly be super teacher.

A friend got me the chair on wheels out of her room. She picked my kids up from PE, took em to restroom, and then computer lab while I pulled it together. I decided heck with lesson planning, focus on report cards. I got 4 done by end of day.

By the end of the day I felt like I could handle tomorrow. My butt hurts from propping leg up. Music teacher says she's trying to track down an electric cart for me. A friend says she'll look for wheelchair.

I'm tired. And was really glad to leave early. I'm rescheduling conferences for a later date.

My Routine

My day is broken into 2 sections... the upstairs and the downstairs. The big divider is the stairs. The method for getting upstairs is left knee and right foot. Press up with right foot, put left knee on the next stair. Repeat. Getting downstairs is easier. Mostly it's a sit-scoot-sit-scoot. The crutches go with me each time.

I have to plan everytime I leave one area. Do I have my phone, my pain meds? Is there anything else I need to take with me? If I go upstairs to use the bathroom, I'll end up in the bedroom for several hours, then eventually come back down again. I end up on the couch for several hours. I find I'm using every other muscles BUT that left foot area to get around. I'm sore from the crutches, from crawling and pushing myself up onto or off of things. It gives me a great appreciation for the mobiity I used to have, and for those that have even more limited mobility than I have.

I've also been very grateful for friends that have come by to check on me, walk the dog and feed her, or get things for me from the kitchen.

I have a check up appointment tomorrow, to see how it's healing. If you practice reiki, I'd love some long distance energy to my left ankle! :D

Be Careful What You Wish For

So that lump on the left side of my ankle isn't supposed to be there.

This morning I was leaving for work, and landed wrong on my foot. I heard a sound, and then pain. Even though the pavement was wet, I sat right down on it and cussed up a storm. I was afraid it was broken. Hopped back into the apartment and made some phone calls.

Fear... the fear of being helpless and alone. Someone said once that people get married so you have someone to take you to the hospital in the middle of the night. I saw the truth of that.

Got a coworker to take me to the emergency room. 2 hours later my xray results came back. No fracture. Soft tissue damage, maybe ligament. If the swelling and pain don't get better in 2 days, then I have to get a check up from a foot doc.

So last night and this weekend I was wishing I didn't have to go back to work today. Guess I should have been more specific. If all goes well, I'll be back at work on Thursday.

The upside is I have vicodin for the pain.