That End-of-Month Monster

This is the journal I made yesterday. As usual towards the end of the month, my mind is filled with worry and a bit of self-hate at how I always seem to just barely have enough at the end of the month. Somehow I think that I should be getting ahead, and that if I just had a better handle on my spending that I would be accruing money each month in my bank account rather than breaking even.

I went to dinner with B last night. That was good. I've been feeling the lack of adult conversation this week. Most of my days consist of going to work, talking a bit to an adult or two, answering kids' questions and requests, and then coming home until it starts all over again.

With today being the last day of me teaching Japanese class, I am starting to see and look forward to my trip out to Seattle next month.

The loss of a smart funny man

RIP George Carlin

Finished Journal Pages

I finished several journal pages today. My latest method to journaling is to work on several pages simultaneously. Letting the colors and shapes and collage elements speak to me. Then several days later I come back to what's in progress, seeing it with fresh eyes, and finish it.

It should be mentioned that in the piece below, the sitting girl figure was done by SamanthaKira, not me. It was part of a printout I had by my desk when I was working on this page, and I realized the colors were the same, and the image fit with what I wanted to say. The quote in the background on the greenish paper is from my Inspirations Jar.


The culmination of my thoughts on trying to dissect my artistic color scheme-meaning:


The morning news set me off this morning. Why is it that so many of us, so often, start the day hearing all the BAD things going on in our area, and in our country??


In July I'll be traveling to see cousins in Seattle. I love to fly.

Henna and My Weekend

Friday night at midnight my 11:30 appointment arrived. She was headed to a beach-themed party that started at 2am, and wanted henna around her belly and lower back. The above photo shows the gold glitter dusted onto the henna design.

This was the end of a very long day for me.

At 3 am, Rose woke me up whining to be let out, like she does most nights. This time I stuck my ground though and shushed her and turned over to go back to sleep till 6am.

Wrong move.

At 6am I awoke to a stench. Poor Rose had diarrhea and had tried to get it out the front grill of her night kennel. After I let her out, I could see that from the stench, she'd thrown up as well. I'm sure if I'd had to smell that with her keen nose, I probably would have too. Man I felt like a bad mommy.

I took the whole kennel into the bathroom next to the toilet, mopping up what I could with mounds of toilet paper and then flushing the disgusting stuff. I left the bed cushion to air out and dry a bit during the day while I was gone.

Before I left for school, I wisely put down some cardboard under the edges of Rose's crate. I wouldn't be gone all day, but just in case there was an accident, it shouldn't get on the carpet sides. I was very concerned about Rose, since she was very lethargic. I made sure to give her some water, but there wasn't much I could do for her.

When I got home, yes there was another clean up for me. Her spirits were a bit better though, so I didn't rush her to the vet. I did take her with me when I did laundry though. I bundled up both cushion sets, and her toys into garbage bags, and took with with detergent and bleach to the laundry room up the street. While they were in the dryer I took her to the dog park. It was a cloudy day, and the heat wasn't bad at all.

7:30 B picked me up for our Friday night dinner of Whole Foods' hot bar and Sci-Fi channel. Doctor Who specifically. I was overly tired, having taken a benadryl around 7, so when I got home at 10:30 I took a cat nap till 11:15 to get ready for my appointment. I think I finally got to bed around 1am.

Saturday I took Rose to the dog park early with my breakfast. Then I took her home, and around 11 went down to an artsy-urban section of town called Little 5 Points. There was a shop of Indian exports I needed to find. My client the night before had told me the shop she'd asked in about henna wanted to know of an artist. Unfortunately, it was noon, and they didn't open till 1:30.

I walked till I came to a yard sale one of the loft complexes was having. Found a spiffy sterling silver ring. It has henna-like scrollwork, and the top has a small lid and box that I could put something (a tiny something) in if I wanted. The only finger it fits though is my ring finger. At $3.00, I considered it a steal.

Met my Japanese friend for coffee, and he thought my ring meant I was engaged to someone. I almost laughed out loud, but I could see how someone from another culture could think that, even with no diamond.

Last night I watched 2 movies from Netflix: I am Legend, and The Bucket List. In the first one, let me say there is nothing scarier than silence. My gosh I was on the edge of my seat most of the time. Then when his dog died, I literally cried like a baby, and paused the movie to go over and hug my dog and cry some more (Thanks Hormones!) The Bucket List was fun if a little sad too.

Today after church I got a 2 hour massage. Started to fall asleep 3 different times. I think my initial snore woke me up each time. I've got some very tight muscles that run from my butt to my feet. Felt like there was a plank under there when she was rubbing on it, and it was tender/painful too. Made an appointment to go again in 3 weeks. Figure I need it.

I'm having trouble with my current art journaling assignment. I'm a very "do the right thing to the best of my ability" person, and I'm having trouble seeing what it is she wants us to do. We're supposed to spend time with our journal, look at the colors used, and see what it all means. Trouble is for me, art is more intuitive. I don't have a problem thinking about what it all means so much as creating an entry about what I find. Makes it more linear for me than intuitive, thus my perfectionism comes into play and I'm afraid to make anything.

Sigh.

On a good note, I did talk to G before he left for Colorado. He'll be back in a week, and hopefully we'll go see a movie then. I love how much I laugh when I'm around him. Also, Rose is better. She's eating and playing again like normal.

Any Soldier

In a few weeks the 4th of July will be here. Many of us will be celebrating with family and friends, food, and fireworks.

In the spirit of remembering those who are giving their service to us and to our country, check out Anysoldier.com It has a list of units and wish lists for things they want and need. Of course, you don't have to purchase anything, letters are appreciated too.

My letter goes out in Saturday's mail.

I'm still here

I haven't posted in awhile. I've been busy with the Japanese class I'm teaching.

My thought for the day/week:

Even though I may wish my current circumstances were different, or may feel them lacking, I remember that everything is perfectly just the way it's supposed to be.

My Ego and the Nail Salon

At B's urging, I went to get my nails done today. Not because they're so hideous a man notices, but because he said it'd make me feel better.

While waiting for a massage chair to open up, I had to wait in the separate comfy couch area. There were two ladies sitting there, and I had an ego-istic reaction. I labeled them in unflattering terms with regard to age and weight and sat down on the ottoman, instead of the couch next to them. The large woman complimented me right away on my blouse, and this made me feel humble that I should have thought of them in an un-good way. The grandmother was commenting on her grandson thanking her for birthday money and how he didn't have to go to school till he was 7.

This peaked my interest and I butted into their conversation asking where this was, and told them I was a kindergarten teacher.

Come to find out through conversation with them, the grandmother used to be a kindergarten teacher too! And not only that, she taught at the church school until she was 80. Then after she went down the slide (at 80 years old) the school fired her, afraid she'd hurt herself on their watch. She was now 92.

92.

That number is just mind-boggling and awe-inspiring. She'd seen so much in her life. She was still in relatively good health, only took 1 medication, and didn't need glasses. I never would have guessed her over 75. She made jokes about looking good because she had a boyfriend, a "younger man" at 87. And how at the retirement home the women far outnumbered the men. Later on she also cracked a joke about how sometimes she thought her retirement home was more of a "retard" home. Anyone at 92 that can crack jokes about boyfriends and the declining mental faculties that she too is going through, is ok in my book.

And somewhere in my mind this morning I wondered. 92. Did she save enough for her retirement? Who among us thinks they'll still be in such good health at that age, yet alone alive? And she taught till she was 80! Amazing. Just amazing.

And here I might have missed out on all this, if I had listened to my ego, flaunting "separateness" and "better thans" rather than take each present moment for what it is, a gift, and everyone around us as part of who we are.