I spoke to someone yesterday who runs for a hobby. She was in track and field in high school and college. She told me that a large part of it is mental. When I asked for explanation, she said you have to want to do it. If she had 50 pushups to do, did she really want to do it?
Except for a time in 7th grade, I have never said yes to exercise. Do I really want to get up and walk a mile? No.
I have to turn that no into a yes. If need be, FAKEit till I MAKEit. I need to say yes.
Last night I said yes to 10 minutes on the trampoline.
That was the sound of my recent buds of hope being dashed to the ground- in a vase of course.
I called Insurance today, and there is No Coverage, at ALL, for any type of gastric surgery with my plan. I asked which plans do, and she named one called HRA and the other is called "High Deductible".
I remember 3 months ago, when choosing my insurance plan that I saw one called High Deductible. At the time I just laughed. Would that I had had the foresight to be thinking then about surgery rather than now.
Part of me feels hopeless. That I'll be fat forever. The hopeless part of me just wants to cry. Pity party time.
The rational part of me is looking at my options.
Wait 10 months, and at open enrollment change to a plan that does cover gastric surgery, then get it done January 1, 2011 when the plan is in effect.
Save up money, and blow my nest egg on surgery (NOT my favorite option)
Do what I can to change my habits now for food and exercise while waiting for insurance (and tell that critical voice in my head to shut the hell up when it tells me it never worked before, so why should it work now?)
Maybe this is meant as a "Whoa, slow down there partner" type of thing.
After a weekend of bad photos, I thought I might as well share a good one. This is me before work, in one of my favorite tops I got at Avenue. Avenue is a chain that carries plus size clothing, and is usually pretty hip- kinda the way Lane Bryant used to be.
This morning I got up, took a luxurious bubble bath by candlight (cause who says that can only be done at night, right?) and shampooed the remainder of olive oil out of my hair from yesterday. I LOVE bubble baths, and after reading Banded Girl's post about bribing yourself to exercise, I just may use these as motivation.
This is my sanctuary:
So afterwards, I came downstairs and got out my minitramp. I put on a Bollywood dvd, and chose to "play all songs".
For those of you who aren't familiar with Bollywood, it's the Hollywood of India. Movies are generally musicals, actors dance but lip sync to the words, and the movies last around 3 hours. Bollywood songs last about 5-6 minutes each. So my goal was to use the minitramp and dance on it (or just plain move, since I'm unsteady on it) for one of the songs. After that song was over though, I still wanted to move. I put away the equipment and danced to another song. YAY ME!
The songs I used were from my favorite movie "Kal Ho Naa Ho" (Tomorrow May Never Come) If you're curious about Bollywood movies, start with this one. It's funny, upbeat, well written, and takes place in NYC. Sure it has the cheesy wind-in-hair effects that most Bollywood movies do, but at least there's no dancing at the foot of mountains.
This is the song I danced to on the trampoline:
Oh, and I was bad over the weekend with food, and gained a pound. Such is life.
I don't remember how long ago it was that I started hennaing my hair. It began as a way to get the red color I loved without the $120 salon pricetag. I started going grey in college (more silver than grey) and henna turns those into highlights. I have naturally dark brown hair, and the henna is mostly noticeable in the sunlight. I may get my hair chemically lightened this summer, just so I can have brighter henna hair again.
I thought I would share how I henna my hair. Firstly, I use body art quality henna, from hennalounge.com. She also puts together an oil blend that smells like chai tea.
Into a bowl I put henna powder, and a tea concoction. It contains black tea, whole cardamom pods, and cloves. I like these for their scent. I add some of the chai oil, and some olive oil.
This I put in a warm dark place for a few hours (I heat my toaster oven to 150, turn off the heat, and place the bowl covered with plastic wrap inside).
When it comes time to put it in my hair, I grab some plastic shopping bags, vinyl gloves, and head to the bathroom. Lotion is applied around the hairline so that if I goof, I don't have an orange brown stain there when I'm done. I section the hair out, and apply the henna with my gloved hands to the hairline (where the new growth greys show most). With a brush I'll grab a new thin layer, put it over the first one. Add more henna, repeat.
When all done, I cover it in a plastic bag. Oh so pretty I know....
I leave it in a few hours, then shower it out. This part is pretty messy, looking like I'm washing mud out of my hair.
The end result though, leaves my hair shiny! Something about the way henna binds to the hair shaft. I also don't have to use conditioner anymore in my hair. YAY.
Mini tramp- Mini trampoline :P I got me one of these:
It was $49.00 at Play it Again Sports. Ever since watching "You Are What You Eat" on BBC America this summer, I've thought about getting one. I put off getting it, because I've had impulse buys before. I wanted to see if I still had the desire over time. I asked the man at the store if it would hold me, or if I'd break it. He said it was good up to 300lbs, but of course the inside documentation says it's only good up to 250 lbs. So while I wo't be doing any hard running on it for awhile, it's gonna come in handy for dancing.
M help me set it up. It was folded in the box and came with a warning to have 2 people put it together, or risk serious injury or DEATH. I kid you not.
