Yay I'm Back

Even though its cold and grey and rainy here in ATL, I'm glad to be back.

There is nothing quite like home.

I met up with B today. He asked me how my visit was. "Good and bad" was how I started. I wasn't prepared for the release of stress that caught up with me, in the form of tears. I related about the difficulty in my dad growing old- how thin he looks, how frail he seems, and he's running low grade temps every other day. Mom being stressed at taking care of him 24/7. I let loose about the food issues, how I hadn't realized how much food guilt I'd been brought up with. How I'd finally just given in, and stopped trying to be perfect. Repeating childhood trends of eating "junk food" in private. A form of rebellion at mom that only hurt me, in truth. Seeing for the first time that my dislike of my 400lb older brother is really just me displacing anger and dislike of my own fat rolls. May make sense as to why I have such a disconnect between how I really look, and my perception of how I look.

The last day I spent with my younger brother and his wife. That was really good. Their home is beautiful, and she has a real gift with organization. We went to see The Spirit- bad cheesy movie, but fun if you're not expecting the quality of Sin City. Bro gave me good advice regarding home purchase. Plus it was good to get away from the parents and even my dog- Rose was my constant companion everywhere I went- like a shadow.

Today I spent the morning cleaning out my fridge, getting rid of old old items I haven't used in who knows how long. I also took about the bottom shelf and produce containers. Washed them good... prolly the first time in... 4 years? I also organized my tea/pasta/canned veggies in the cabinet. I cleaned some walls too that needed it.

The afternoon was spent between watching videos and napping, with an evening of more videos. No word from M yet. His plane is supposed to be in sometime tonight. Tomorrow I hope to get out more- whether the dog park or friends. I want to be around people again.

I don't go back to work till the 5th. Yay!