Mom Says She Understands

I've been at my parent's home since Sunday afternoon. First thing I went through, was internet withdrawal. That was dealt with by checking my iPhone 10 bajillion times a day, and seeking out the local coffee house with wifi.

Next issue, and my main one, has been food. I feel very out of control here. Part of it is the abundance of "holiday" food that's bad for my weight loss. Part of it is the voice in my head (of my mom) saying things like "what, my food's not good enough for you?" when I eat turkey instead of ham that she cooked.

I got up this morning to scents coming from the kitchen. Cinnamon rolls baking, and lil smoky links cooking on the stove. I had 2 cups of coffee, decaf.

As I proceeded to make my own breakfast, (1 egg, egg whites, 2 double fiber bread, 2 slices of 2% cheese) mom asked if I wanted one of the rolls, I told her I couldn't have that. She said what about without icing, I repeated that I couldn't have that, and that I feel disrespectful when I'm not eating what she prepares. I've already eaten too much stuff that's bad for me.

She said no, she understood, probably better than anyone. It's ok.

Dinner tonight is to be lasagna. I asked what meat was being used, and she's using vegetarian crumbles. Low fat cottage cheese, mozzerella. One brother is bringing a greek salad (cucumber, tomato, feta cheese- no lettuce) and then the other item is garlic bread.

sigh.

So I asked if I could make another vegetable, maybe broccoli or green beans. She said great.

After breakfast she asks if I'll make 2 pumpkin pies this afternoon.

"Two??" I ask. Panic is the feeling... why 2 when one would be a huge temptation for me, I think. So i ask, "why two". She says one for tonight and one for tomorrow.

Why do I feel like she doesn't really understand? I didn't say anything and she said nevermind, she'd make them herself.

She also wants me to make the traditional mince meat coffee cake (made from scratch) for tomorrow morning.

And then in frustration, I go out and sabotage myself anyway, with a spicy chicken go wrap and small chocolate frosty.

This is so very hard.